Masculinity has been getting a very bad rap in the last couple of years. Just a cursory google search of articles with the word "masculinity" will turn up results like this one or this one. In 2017 and 2018 (and obviously still into 2019 a bit) you couldn't hear or read the word "masculinity" without the word "toxic" in front of it. Now, some traits of masculinity, if left unchecked, can result in a toxicity that can spoil a man, but to hear it told by some, strong and aggressive masculinity is a terrible thing by its nature and should be thrown out and substituted with the more nurturing femininity. This does no favors to "good" men, and "bad" men won't hear it anyway (more on that distinction later).
It isn't masculinity that is toxic. Toxicity is present in all ways of life - it is a form of selective extremism choosing only a small part of expected behavior and ignoring the balance that should exist alongside it. Strength and aggression are balanced by a protective nature and respect for others. Toughness is balanced by kindness. Virility is balanced by virtue. A gentleman is strong and protective, tough and kind, virile and virtuous. If a person follows only the first half, he is not a man, he is an animal. Males of almost all species are expected to be aggressive, strong, tough, virile, etc. A man is expected to be those things and more. And a man should certainly expect more of himself.
Now, “good” men are masculine men, but gentle-men. We’ll say that “bad” men are those who make no intentional efforts to curb destructive tendencies (before anyone else says it, women are not immune to destructive tendencies of their own). Masculinity is commonly associated with strength, stoicism, toughness, aggression, competition, decisiveness, etc. They can serve both good and bad purposes. It is up to the man to use those traits in good ways, and the man who does will find that there are other men who will look up to him for his mastery.
Please note: no man can expect perfection. Every man fails, but the practiced man fails in less significant ways. So practice, Men, and watch yourselves.
It isn't masculinity that is toxic. Toxicity is present in all ways of life - it is a form of selective extremism choosing only a small part of expected behavior and ignoring the balance that should exist alongside it. Strength and aggression are balanced by a protective nature and respect for others. Toughness is balanced by kindness. Virility is balanced by virtue. A gentleman is strong and protective, tough and kind, virile and virtuous. If a person follows only the first half, he is not a man, he is an animal. Males of almost all species are expected to be aggressive, strong, tough, virile, etc. A man is expected to be those things and more. And a man should certainly expect more of himself.
Now, “good” men are masculine men, but gentle-men. We’ll say that “bad” men are those who make no intentional efforts to curb destructive tendencies (before anyone else says it, women are not immune to destructive tendencies of their own). Masculinity is commonly associated with strength, stoicism, toughness, aggression, competition, decisiveness, etc. They can serve both good and bad purposes. It is up to the man to use those traits in good ways, and the man who does will find that there are other men who will look up to him for his mastery.
Please note: no man can expect perfection. Every man fails, but the practiced man fails in less significant ways. So practice, Men, and watch yourselves.